by 5 Golden Rules to Safely Be There for Someone Struggling with Mental Health
By Mary J. Blige
Mental health issues affect millions of people around the world. While society has made progress in understanding mental illness, there is still a long way to go. Those struggling often face stigma and misunderstanding, even from close friends and family members.
As someone who has been open about my own battles with depression and anxiety, I want to share the 5 golden rules I’ve learned for being there for someone struggling with mental health:
- Listen Without Judgment
The most important thing you can do when someone opens up about their mental health is to listen. I mean really listen. Give them your full attention, make eye contact, and refrain from interrupting.
Avoid saying things like “I know how you feel” or “You’ll be fine.” Their experience is unique to them. Let them share without making comparisons or casting doubt. Be patient and let them take as much time as they need. Show you are listening by nodding and using brief affirmations like “I hear you.”
Also refrain from judgment. Don’t act shocked, make negative comments about medication, or tell them to “just get over it.” Mental illness is a medical condition, not a personal failing. Your loved one needs compassion and understanding, not criticism.
- Educate Yourself on Mental Health
While listening is critical, you also need knowledge to properly support someone. Take time to educate yourself on mental illness, treatment options, and warning signs. There are fantastic online resources through groups like NAMI and Mental Health America. Check out books from the library, read reputable articles online, and consider attending local support groups or workshops.
Specific knowledge gives you the tools to identify risk factors, handle crisis situations, and connect your loved one with help. Mental health encompasses a wide range of conditions, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and more. Understanding the nuances helps you provide tailored support.
- Encourage Professional Treatment
Your support is invaluable, but you cannot take the place of professional mental health care. In fact, the best way to help someone is often connecting them with experts. Mental illness requires assessment and treatment plans just like any other medical condition.
Talk to your loved one about seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor. Offer to help make the appointment or drive them there. Recommend practitioners you trust or help them research reputable options.
Medication and therapy can make a tremendous difference for many mental illnesses. But stigma sometimes interferes with people seeking help. Make sure your loved one knows there is no shame in needing expert care – we all need help sometimes! Reassure them you will be there every step of the way.
- Set Healthy Boundaries
Helping someone with mental illness does not mean abandoning your own needs. In fact, properly caring for yourself enables you to better care for your loved one long-term.
Be aware of your personal bandwidth and limitations. Do not take on so much that you burn out. Check in with yourself regularly about stress levels and self-care practices. Make time for healthy food, sleep, exercise, and social connection. Say no to requests when needed.
Also set clear boundaries with your loved one. Let them know you want to help but cannot always be available at a moment’s notice. Be consistent about when and how you are reachable. Decline requests that overstep your capabilities. Establish a crisis plan for situations that require more than you can provide.
Setting compassionate yet firm boundaries reduces resentment and caretaker fatigue. This protects the relationship while also modeling important self-care skills.
- Provide Connection
At the most fundamental level, supporting someone with mental illness is about providing connection. Feelings of isolation and loneliness often accompany mental health struggles. Make sure your loved one knows they are not alone.
Check in regularly to see how they are doing. Send texts, leave voicemails, or write cards letting them know you care. When possible, schedule video calls or in-person visits. Your company can be a lifeline even if you do not talk about mental health the entire time. Share uplifting stories, laugh together, or do an activity you both enjoy.
Connection also means attending appointments when appropriate, meeting for coffee after, and celebrating treatment successes. Keep inviting your loved one to engage socially at their comfort level. Ongoing connection provides a consistent reminder that you care.
Additional Tips:
- Avoid toxic positivity. Comments like “don’t be sad” or “think positive” invalidate real experiences. Be realistically hopeful instead.
- Recognize your limitations. You can support recovery but cannot make someone “better.” Avoid taking responsibility for another’s mental health.
-Learn about local resources like support groups, crisis hotlines, community centers, public transportation options, meal services, online support communities, and respite care. Share these with your loved one.
- Practice patience every step of the way. Healing from mental illness is a journey with ups and downs. Progress is not linear. Allow your loved one to move at their pace without judgment.
- Do fun, positive activities together that boost mood and relieve stress. Great options include exercising, cooking, playing games, enjoying nature, taking a class together, or doing crafts/hobbies.
- Advocate on their behalf when needed but discuss with them first. This may involve talking to a landlord about flexibility, asking an employer for accommodations, or helping explain needs to family members.
- Remind your loved one of their strength and resilience. Highlight past successes and the progress made so far. Share positive stories about them that reinforce their identity outside of mental illness.
- Learn about motivation interviewing techniques that empower people to make their own changes. Avoid demanding or nagging your loved one.
- Recognize mental health emergencies and have a plan. Know national suicide hotline numbers. Call emergency services if you believe your loved one is in immediate danger.
- Take suicide threats seriously every time. Talk openly but calmly, listen, express care and a desire to help find options. Remove dangerous items. Stay with the person or get help.
- Check your own biases and misconceptions about mental illness. Reject stigmatizing language. See the person, not the diagnosis. They are so much more than their mental health struggles.
- Celebrate small wins in treatment and functionality. Notice breakthrough moments, positive habits formed, skills gained, triggers identified, medication improvements, and therapy breakthroughs. Mark progress.
The journey to mental health can be long and difficult, but it does not need to be lonely. By providing compassionate support and connection, you can make a real difference in someone’s recovery and overall wellbeing. Be patient, educate yourself, set healthy boundaries, involve professionals, and simply show up. The five golden rules offer a framework to guide your support with empathy and care. Your support enables healing and builds lifelong trust. When we walk with others through mental health challenges, we strengthen them, ourselves and the world.
